i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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