She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
