this just has baby written all over it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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