My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
