Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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