Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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