Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
