another moral hangover. fuck.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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