k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
