My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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