i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
