Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
