I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
