I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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