I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize