I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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