Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
