I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
