He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
