just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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