My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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