I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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