Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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