having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
