i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
