um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
