that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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