I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
