Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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