I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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