i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
