You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We need to rekindle our bromance
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
