even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
