I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
