Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
