yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
