No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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