My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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