I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
