I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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