I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
