It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
