shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
