you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
