What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
