I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
