You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i barfeds in our rink
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
