I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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