I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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