The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
