Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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