i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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