i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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