Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
