Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
