There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize