If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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