Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
