I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
