when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
