just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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