Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
