you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
