I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
it glows. i had to have it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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