he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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