The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize