my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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