allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm both gender and math confused
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
