Pants 0. Shit 1.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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