Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize