Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
