last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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