I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
