one two three fourrrrnication!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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