Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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