Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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