Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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