If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize