On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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