the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
