So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
