It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
