You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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