remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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