Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
