He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
