she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
