he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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