Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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