giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
