Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
