I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
