I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
