Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
