i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
