there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
