Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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