She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
