I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
