omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my poor anus
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
