Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize