Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
