a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How's work?
Spinning.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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