so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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