did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
operation harelip BJ is a go
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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