Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
