I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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