We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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