So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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